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the approach: The Difference Between Nighttime and Daytime Pickup
« on: October 20, 2007, 12:44:23 AM »
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in neretto le parti che trovo interessanti. sarebbe bello avere dei commenti da xtrmx che è stato un assistant trainer per sti tizi….
The Difference Between Nighttime and Daytime Pickup
Maybe you’ve seen this yourself – there’s a certain kind of guy that can meet and attract all different kinds of beautiful women that he meets in nightclubs, bars, and rowdy parties, getting the girl way into him, juicing up the social energy, and then leading strongly… but if the guy sees a girl pass him on the street that he thinks is pretty, he stumbles on his own words and is useless.
How about this one? A charming, sophisticated, masterful conversationalist that can engage and connect with women wonderfully in bookstores and coffeeshops, but he gets ignored or blown off once he hits the nighttime.
What’s going on here? Are some guys naturally born able to pick up in one environment but not the other? Is there such a huge difference?
A lot of men think so.
They’re wrong.
Here’s the score –
The fundamentals of meeting, attracting, and getting the girl(s) of your dreams are the same in the daytime and nighttime. You need to be perceived as a high status guy. The easiest way to do that is to build passive value into your life. More on that in a moment.
After she perceives you as valuable, you need to let her know that she has a shot to access that value, and you need to make her work hard for it so that she feels she’s earned it and to reverse the normal “men work for women/women treat men like dirt” paradigm that’s currently en vogue in most industrialized nations.
After that, you navigate the social and physical logistics. You work with and get other people close to her on your side, occasionally get righteous and socially crush someone who refuses to engage in cooperative dynamics with you, and you make times and places work for seeing each other again and sleeping together.
Then you set up relationship dynamics and learn how to set limits and modify behavior so you have the kind of relationship you want.
This boil’s down to a pretty simple formula – VAC for Attraction: You need to be high VALUE, she needs ATTAINABILITY which means she has a chance to access that value, and then she needs to put in lots of COMPLIANCE. So, you’re something she wants, she has a shot to have that something she wants, and she works hard to get it. She’s attracted and your happy.
Then you handle LOGISTICS – these are social logistics (get her friends on your side), and physical logistics (where’s a damn bed?).
Finally, PRECEDENCE – people hate change, so you set up your relationship correctly from the beginning, set good habits up, and then have very few problems later. As problems do come up, you intelligently reward and prompt more good behavior, and subtly punish bad behavior.
It takes time, but it’s not hard. You don’t need to be particularly intelligent (though it helps), enlightened (also helps), or good at expressing yourself emotionally (yet) to get good at this stuff. You learn the fundamentals, put the time in, and you get results. You’re the descendant of many, many generations of men who knew what they were doing. You wouldn’t exist if you didn’t directly descend from literally the strongest, most capable of our species time and time again. Your ancestors fought tooth and nail to get you here, and you’ve got access to all the tools they did.
So, you’re going to get results – but if you’re like me, you want to get results everywhere you go. See:
The cool thing about DAYTIME socializing and pickup is that you’re going to be out in the daytime and see the kind of women you’d like to get to know. You’ll see beautiful women going about their lives, and it’s awesome to be able to recruit a girl to go shopping with you when you’re in the mall, or just to join you for a quick lunch.
The cool thing about NIGHTTIME is that there could be a typhoon outside, and women will still be out in bars and clubs in miniskirts and high heels. No kidding, it’s harder to find a greater consolidation of women dressed up and out to meet people. If you move to a new area, there’s no faster way than to build a social circle including some great women then to head out at night a couple times and make a bunch of friends.
How to thrive in both? Here’s the score –
REVISITING PASSIVE VALUE
Techniques for Attainability, Compliance, Logistics, and Precedence are not greatly changed from daytime to nighttime. The big thing that’s different is Value. Or rather, what you need to be doing to be perceived as high value.
Earlier I mentioned something to you called “Passive Value” – Passive Value, in short, is awesome. If you look like a high status guy, talk like a high status guy, and think like a high status guy, then you ARE a high status guy. That sound hard? It’s not. It just takes some practice.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DAYTIME AND NIGHT TIME
Two key elements of value are different in daytime and nighttime. What high status guys talk like and talk about in the daytime vs. the nighttime, and what they think about in the daytime vs. the nighttime. (Good news: Good bodylanguage and nonverbals are largely unchanged from day to night)
After that, you need to talk differently. If you’ve been getting our newsletter, you might recall one about Situational Relevance: Situational Relevance is the building block of conversation; it’s how high status guys speak. It’s comprised of three elements – Context, Comprehension Level, and Energy Level.
Context: What you’re talking about has to make sense, either because of the environment or because of a previous conversation topic.
Comprehension Level: The greater the stimulus around you, the harder it is to understand what’s going on. You need to come in at the right level.
Energy Level: You need to come in near the girl’s energy level.
Here’s the difference between daytime and nighttime for Situational Relevance:
Context: Nighttime is what’s known as an automatic social context. Nightclubs, bars, parties are automatic social contexts. Most of the daytime venues are not – that means you’ll need to use an opener that makes sense for talking to her in the daytime.
Day/Night Adjustment: At night, you can use openers that presuppose you’re out socializing, either casual ones or asking about random topics. In the daytime, you need to make your openers relevant – you’ll either want to use an interest-based opener, or create a situation that feels like “fate and destiny” happened.
Comprehension Level: Almost all nighttime venues are harder to comprehend what’s going on than daytime venues. Thus, men who speak about deep philosophical topics get great mileage in the daytime, but can’t tone it down and “vibe” in the nighttime. The conversational topics that are cool for the daytime, about deep issues, don’t seem to fit in at night. The reverse happens in the daytime, with a hardcore party style blowing girls out at the mall or on public transit.
Day/Night Adjustment: In lower comprehension levels (at night, typically), use shorter sentences, words with less syllables in them, and change topics more frequently. Make topics that require less analytical thought. In the daytime, pause more frequently and “stop and reflect” in conversation more often to move to deep, interesting, and thoughtful subjects.
Energy Level: You need to come in near the girl’s energy. You can go slightly lower if you want to bring her down a bit, or slightly higher if you want to bring her up. Basically, if you start getting really loud around a relaxed, sleepy girl she’ll blow you out, and if you go all quiet around a girl out of control on the dancefloor you’re going to lose her.
Day/Night Adjustment: Energy level is specific to the girl, not the environment. However, you tend to see higher energy levels in some nighttime venues. A major recommendation is to pick venues that suit that mood you’re in for energy – if you’re feeling relaxed, try hitting a lounge or piano bar. If you’re feeling rowdy, head somewhere rowdy.
HOW HIGH STATUS GUYS THINK
While controlling your thoughts can be tough, controlling your FOCUS is easy. If you want to think like a high status guy, focus on the things that high status guys focus on.
In the nighttime, your focus should be:
1. Charge the Venue: Have fun, socialize, and make others have fun. 50-65% of your conscious energy should go into this – your objective in any social interaction is first and foremost to enjoy yourself, second to open up to everyone, and third to make sure everyone enjoys their night more. Here’s a powerful truth: If people you talk to consistently enjoy themselves more, people are going to want to talk to you. If people want to talk to you, you’re going to have women around you. The more women around you, the more opportunities for your social and romantic life.
2. Make Connections and See if People Meet Your Standards: Find common ground and connect on it. Search out topics that you’re compatible in and explore them. Then, remember – you’re not trying to impress her, you’re seeing if she meets your standards. Ask questions that let you find out if she’s the type of girl you’d want to spend more time with. This should take 25-30% of your mental energy.
3. VAC, Logistics, and Everything Else: Then, and ONLY then do you think about tactics and seduction. The fact is, the best thing to do is to train yourself in the classroom, and then go out into the field with a clear head intending to charge the venue, make connections, and see if you meet anyone up to your standards. The techniques you learn will come out naturally (it’s crazy to see) as you socialize. You can do an active analysis at the end of the night and figure out what everything meant, but you want everything to become automatic. Only 5% to 25% of your mental energy will go into this category – 5% on a good night, but still never more than 25% during a nuclear meltdown situation. Great focus will carry you.
How does this concept apply in the daytime?
You can’t go out just to charge the venue!
It’s quite simple, really – since daytime is usually not an automatic social context, if your objective is to have fun, socialize, and make everyone you interact with have more fun in the daytime people will wonder what you’re up to. You’re going to need more subtlety and discretion in the daytime than just trying to pump up every single stranger you come across.
So what’s the solution? Quite simple – your primary focus in the daytime needs to be to accomplish something. This could be anything – buy groceries, run an errand, eat lunch, go shopping, walk your dog, check out some architecture in a nearby neighborhood you heard was interesting. The major thing is not to go out “just hunting” in the daytime. If you do, and then you don’t see a woman you’d like to talk to for a while, you run the risk of being jumpy or seeming like you’re up to something on the next one. Instead, get a task down – even if it’s walk from one place to another and enjoy the walk. Then, if you see a woman you find interesting, you strike up a conversation with her with the intention of enjoying yourself, making her enjoy herself, seeing if there’s a connection and if she’s your kind of person, just like at night.
BEYOND THAT –
Beyond value, the game of socializing and meeting the women of your dreams is fundamentally the same in the daytime and nighttime. Sure, some particular niche gimmicks don’t work in one environment or the other, but if you’ve got passive value, understand how to build attainability, and know what it takes to get a woman working to you’re your standards, you’ll get success in both the daytime and the nighttime. Getting her to buy you a drink at night is just as powerful as getting her to buy you a coffee in the daytime, the same intention mapping formula works at night and in the daytime, and the word “friend” is still one of the most powerful words you can drop.
By the way, if you haven’t lately, say, “You seem like a great friend – I’m glad we met” in the first 10 minutes of an interaction with a woman you’re talking to and watch what happens. In the daytime or nighttime
Sebastian
The Difference Between Nighttime and Daytime Pickup
Maybe you’ve seen this yourself – there’s a certain kind of guy that can meet and attract all different kinds of beautiful women that he meets in nightclubs, bars, and rowdy parties, getting the girl way into him, juicing up the social energy, and then leading strongly… but if the guy sees a girl pass him on the street that he thinks is pretty, he stumbles on his own words and is useless.
How about this one? A charming, sophisticated, masterful conversationalist that can engage and connect with women wonderfully in bookstores and coffeeshops, but he gets ignored or blown off once he hits the nighttime.
What’s going on here? Are some guys naturally born able to pick up in one environment but not the other? Is there such a huge difference?
A lot of men think so.
They’re wrong.
Here’s the score –
The fundamentals of meeting, attracting, and getting the girl(s) of your dreams are the same in the daytime and nighttime. You need to be perceived as a high status guy. The easiest way to do that is to build passive value into your life. More on that in a moment.
After she perceives you as valuable, you need to let her know that she has a shot to access that value, and you need to make her work hard for it so that she feels she’s earned it and to reverse the normal “men work for women/women treat men like dirt” paradigm that’s currently en vogue in most industrialized nations.
After that, you navigate the social and physical logistics. You work with and get other people close to her on your side, occasionally get righteous and socially crush someone who refuses to engage in cooperative dynamics with you, and you make times and places work for seeing each other again and sleeping together.
Then you set up relationship dynamics and learn how to set limits and modify behavior so you have the kind of relationship you want.
This boil’s down to a pretty simple formula – VAC for Attraction: You need to be high VALUE, she needs ATTAINABILITY which means she has a chance to access that value, and then she needs to put in lots of COMPLIANCE. So, you’re something she wants, she has a shot to have that something she wants, and she works hard to get it. She’s attracted and your happy.
Then you handle LOGISTICS – these are social logistics (get her friends on your side), and physical logistics (where’s a damn bed?).
Finally, PRECEDENCE – people hate change, so you set up your relationship correctly from the beginning, set good habits up, and then have very few problems later. As problems do come up, you intelligently reward and prompt more good behavior, and subtly punish bad behavior.
It takes time, but it’s not hard. You don’t need to be particularly intelligent (though it helps), enlightened (also helps), or good at expressing yourself emotionally (yet) to get good at this stuff. You learn the fundamentals, put the time in, and you get results. You’re the descendant of many, many generations of men who knew what they were doing. You wouldn’t exist if you didn’t directly descend from literally the strongest, most capable of our species time and time again. Your ancestors fought tooth and nail to get you here, and you’ve got access to all the tools they did.
So, you’re going to get results – but if you’re like me, you want to get results everywhere you go. See:
The cool thing about DAYTIME socializing and pickup is that you’re going to be out in the daytime and see the kind of women you’d like to get to know. You’ll see beautiful women going about their lives, and it’s awesome to be able to recruit a girl to go shopping with you when you’re in the mall, or just to join you for a quick lunch.
The cool thing about NIGHTTIME is that there could be a typhoon outside, and women will still be out in bars and clubs in miniskirts and high heels. No kidding, it’s harder to find a greater consolidation of women dressed up and out to meet people. If you move to a new area, there’s no faster way than to build a social circle including some great women then to head out at night a couple times and make a bunch of friends.
How to thrive in both? Here’s the score –
REVISITING PASSIVE VALUE
Techniques for Attainability, Compliance, Logistics, and Precedence are not greatly changed from daytime to nighttime. The big thing that’s different is Value. Or rather, what you need to be doing to be perceived as high value.
Earlier I mentioned something to you called “Passive Value” – Passive Value, in short, is awesome. If you look like a high status guy, talk like a high status guy, and think like a high status guy, then you ARE a high status guy. That sound hard? It’s not. It just takes some practice.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DAYTIME AND NIGHT TIME
Two key elements of value are different in daytime and nighttime. What high status guys talk like and talk about in the daytime vs. the nighttime, and what they think about in the daytime vs. the nighttime. (Good news: Good bodylanguage and nonverbals are largely unchanged from day to night)
After that, you need to talk differently. If you’ve been getting our newsletter, you might recall one about Situational Relevance: Situational Relevance is the building block of conversation; it’s how high status guys speak. It’s comprised of three elements – Context, Comprehension Level, and Energy Level.
Context: What you’re talking about has to make sense, either because of the environment or because of a previous conversation topic.
Comprehension Level: The greater the stimulus around you, the harder it is to understand what’s going on. You need to come in at the right level.
Energy Level: You need to come in near the girl’s energy level.
Here’s the difference between daytime and nighttime for Situational Relevance:
Context: Nighttime is what’s known as an automatic social context. Nightclubs, bars, parties are automatic social contexts. Most of the daytime venues are not – that means you’ll need to use an opener that makes sense for talking to her in the daytime.
Day/Night Adjustment: At night, you can use openers that presuppose you’re out socializing, either casual ones or asking about random topics. In the daytime, you need to make your openers relevant – you’ll either want to use an interest-based opener, or create a situation that feels like “fate and destiny” happened.
Comprehension Level: Almost all nighttime venues are harder to comprehend what’s going on than daytime venues. Thus, men who speak about deep philosophical topics get great mileage in the daytime, but can’t tone it down and “vibe” in the nighttime. The conversational topics that are cool for the daytime, about deep issues, don’t seem to fit in at night. The reverse happens in the daytime, with a hardcore party style blowing girls out at the mall or on public transit.
Day/Night Adjustment: In lower comprehension levels (at night, typically), use shorter sentences, words with less syllables in them, and change topics more frequently. Make topics that require less analytical thought. In the daytime, pause more frequently and “stop and reflect” in conversation more often to move to deep, interesting, and thoughtful subjects.
Energy Level: You need to come in near the girl’s energy. You can go slightly lower if you want to bring her down a bit, or slightly higher if you want to bring her up. Basically, if you start getting really loud around a relaxed, sleepy girl she’ll blow you out, and if you go all quiet around a girl out of control on the dancefloor you’re going to lose her.
Day/Night Adjustment: Energy level is specific to the girl, not the environment. However, you tend to see higher energy levels in some nighttime venues. A major recommendation is to pick venues that suit that mood you’re in for energy – if you’re feeling relaxed, try hitting a lounge or piano bar. If you’re feeling rowdy, head somewhere rowdy.
HOW HIGH STATUS GUYS THINK
While controlling your thoughts can be tough, controlling your FOCUS is easy. If you want to think like a high status guy, focus on the things that high status guys focus on.
In the nighttime, your focus should be:
1. Charge the Venue: Have fun, socialize, and make others have fun. 50-65% of your conscious energy should go into this – your objective in any social interaction is first and foremost to enjoy yourself, second to open up to everyone, and third to make sure everyone enjoys their night more. Here’s a powerful truth: If people you talk to consistently enjoy themselves more, people are going to want to talk to you. If people want to talk to you, you’re going to have women around you. The more women around you, the more opportunities for your social and romantic life.
2. Make Connections and See if People Meet Your Standards: Find common ground and connect on it. Search out topics that you’re compatible in and explore them. Then, remember – you’re not trying to impress her, you’re seeing if she meets your standards. Ask questions that let you find out if she’s the type of girl you’d want to spend more time with. This should take 25-30% of your mental energy.
3. VAC, Logistics, and Everything Else: Then, and ONLY then do you think about tactics and seduction. The fact is, the best thing to do is to train yourself in the classroom, and then go out into the field with a clear head intending to charge the venue, make connections, and see if you meet anyone up to your standards. The techniques you learn will come out naturally (it’s crazy to see) as you socialize. You can do an active analysis at the end of the night and figure out what everything meant, but you want everything to become automatic. Only 5% to 25% of your mental energy will go into this category – 5% on a good night, but still never more than 25% during a nuclear meltdown situation. Great focus will carry you.
How does this concept apply in the daytime?
You can’t go out just to charge the venue!
It’s quite simple, really – since daytime is usually not an automatic social context, if your objective is to have fun, socialize, and make everyone you interact with have more fun in the daytime people will wonder what you’re up to. You’re going to need more subtlety and discretion in the daytime than just trying to pump up every single stranger you come across.
So what’s the solution? Quite simple – your primary focus in the daytime needs to be to accomplish something. This could be anything – buy groceries, run an errand, eat lunch, go shopping, walk your dog, check out some architecture in a nearby neighborhood you heard was interesting. The major thing is not to go out “just hunting” in the daytime. If you do, and then you don’t see a woman you’d like to talk to for a while, you run the risk of being jumpy or seeming like you’re up to something on the next one. Instead, get a task down – even if it’s walk from one place to another and enjoy the walk. Then, if you see a woman you find interesting, you strike up a conversation with her with the intention of enjoying yourself, making her enjoy herself, seeing if there’s a connection and if she’s your kind of person, just like at night.
BEYOND THAT –
Beyond value, the game of socializing and meeting the women of your dreams is fundamentally the same in the daytime and nighttime. Sure, some particular niche gimmicks don’t work in one environment or the other, but if you’ve got passive value, understand how to build attainability, and know what it takes to get a woman working to you’re your standards, you’ll get success in both the daytime and the nighttime. Getting her to buy you a drink at night is just as powerful as getting her to buy you a coffee in the daytime, the same intention mapping formula works at night and in the daytime, and the word “friend” is still one of the most powerful words you can drop.
By the way, if you haven’t lately, say, “You seem like a great friend – I’m glad we met” in the first 10 minutes of an interaction with a woman you’re talking to and watch what happens. In the daytime or nighttime
Sebastian
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